Selfish Feelings

Jeans? h&m

Jacket? Zara

Sequin shirt? Thrifted

Boots? Modern Vintage, Winners

Bag? Winners

Lighting? Half truck headlights and half flash.

It sounds like a punch line but the more I think about it, I think it's no coincidence that I started my blog at about the same time that all my friends got pregnant. And now, a year and a half later, they all have babies and I have a blog. When I say 'all' my friends got pregnant, I am exaggerating only a little. Because while I have friends from many different aspects (work, school...) of my life, the girls in my core group of friends (you know, the friends that you have unspoken plans with every weekend and hang out with way. too. much.?) all did get pregnant within 3 months of each other. And so for the last year and a half, I have spent many parties sitting in the inevitable pregnancy or breastfeeding circle, clutching my wine glass in my one hand and the wine bottle firmly in the other. Perhaps it is cruel to drink in front of those who can't but when the conversation is 97% about nausea, cloth diapers vs. disposable, teething and nap schedules (this part I do not exaggerate, it really is 97%... please admit this...), I turn to my wine for relief. I am just not ready for that stage of my life yet but everyone in my life is at that stage already.

And because in Canada, there is a year maternity leave, these girls would often get together for play dates while I was at work. This is obviously perfectly natural and to be honest, I think that I, in turn, found a bit of an escape in the blogging community. A community who thinks it's normal to gush over the latest vintage treasure and that hiking in heels to find the perfect picture spot is just another day in the life of... I love this community and I love blogging but I do miss the carefree friendships of just a few years ago.

I have been sitting on this post for a while. After all, who really wants to admit that babies make them bitter? When I have nothing to write about, the words spill forth in a sarcastic fountain but when I approach a serious post, I struggle to write my thoughts in a fair way. The bottom line is that I have felt really left out this last year. My life changed so much without anything in my life changing (know what I mean?)... and I say that acknowledging that my friends lives changed even more but that was through an active change they made themselves. I can say in full confidence that I am a great friend, I have always taken friendship very seriously (when Matt and I started dating way back, I would often take a friend with me because they weren't in a serious relationship at the time and there was no way I was letting one of my girls stay in on a Friday night...) but this whole bitterness thing is infecting me. When my head is clear, I know that my friends would never mean for me to feel that my childless life isn't important, but in my frustration, the lack of phone calls, the lack of interest and the half-assed birthday wishes on my Facebook wall really stung. And I let these hurt feelings fester... never good. And I want it to stop because the frown lines on my forehead will soon need Botox and we haven't budgeted for that expense until 2016.

So, I am working on banishing the anger and trying to have more empathy for their schedule and their daily struggles and in return I seek 10% serious conversation, 8% political discussions and 12% pure frivolous talk... I can handle 70% baby talk. In fact, I am almost an expert by now.
And what does this post have to do with this outfit? I wore this out when I started 'dating' one of my close friends again. Gone are the days that I can make a bored phone call and end up with a friend on my couch after a night of random fun. Now, we schedule. Sometimes, a month in advance. But it works and it's good to just go out because I miss these girls and I think they miss me too. Because as long as I'm not a Bitter Betty, I'm a fun kid.

And the best part of going out was that my friend and I showed up in very similar outfits... without an advance high school outfit planning phone call. Black boots, distressed jeans, casual jacket and side slung bag... Turns out that we still share a wavelength... and a love for sweet potato fries.

The Truth

Jersey skirt? Vintage and thrifted
Sweater? Thrifted
Belt? Roots, thrifted
Shoes? Derek Lam, Holt Renfrew Last Call
Purse? ?, Winners
Necklace? h&m (old...)

When I wore this outfit to church a couple little girls told me they liked my outfit. Always believe little girls... They haven't been influenced by Vogue, by fashion blogger's pattern mixing or by Modcloth*... if it looks nice, they like it. Simple.
A few years ago, I went all out and bought some yellow pumps from Aldo full price. I thought they were the ish (I don't really talk like that... I'm just running out of words). They had huge spiky heels, an elongated pointy toe and faux crocodile embossed leather. I told you... the ish. And I was hot stuff in those pumps... until I overheard a little kid ask their dad why I had bananas on my feet. So I got defensive and got in the child's face and yelled 'Why don't you make like a banana and split?' and then the dad got involved and soon we were wrestling on the church parking lot. Orrrrr.... I actually just looked down at my size 10 feet encased in these huge yellow pumps and I thought 'Child, you are right, these are ugly shoes.' And I never really wore them again. That was not peer pressure, it was just the truth.

*Granted, some may be influenced by those scary Bratz dolls.

Never Too Much of a Good Thing

Two posts, one night... apparently it's possible.

Jacket? Vintage and thrifted
Jeans? Gap
Boots? Cole Haan, thrifted
Sweater? F21
Purse? ?, Filene's Basement
Beret? Calvn Klein, Winners

I had a crazy, busy week but I carefully scheduled in half an hour at Talize for myself. And Talize gifted me with a leopard swing coat hanging at the end of rack in plain view. I stuck it in the freezer for a few days (too scared to hand wash it, too cheap to dry clean it and a little afraid of moths because there were a few holes even though it's not wool), did a half ass fix it job and wore it out when I met up with my university friend, Linda, for shopping and drinks in downtown Toronto. I'll admit, sometimes I slack at altering my thrift finds but I rushed it this time purely out of my desire to show-off.

I planned to style it up in a bit of a classic Audrey Hepburn way. You know, start with some cropped black pants and then add my ballet flats and then bump up my hair and then tie a pretty scarf around my head and then paint on a cat eye and then stain my lips red and then... it rained. And so, I opted for some boots because cold, wet feet need too much wine to warm back up. I also threw on the beret because I like my hair volume to be artificial; a result of vicious back combing and hairspray and not natural; a side effect of a soft rainfall.

Loose Ends

I can tell I'm a little overworked and stressed lately because the blood in my veins has been replaced with Diet Coke. For some reason when I feel frantic I drink way too much of the good/bad stuff*. I am such a healthy specimen running off aspartame and caffeine... And yes Mom, I know that it's terrible for me. In three to four weeks, when things calm down, you have my permission to begin the nag assault.

Just want to mention a few things that I've let slide lately...
#1. I picked a winner for the Crazy Lady Bracelet giveaway (if you are a new reader, obviously this giveaway is closed but the funny story is worth reading here...)! Emily from tomorrowneverknowsfashion, you are officially the newest member of the Sisterhood of the Crazy Lady Bracelets. Other members include myself, my friends Maria, Elisha, Linda, Dorothy, my Mom... and that's when it gets weird.... my Mom is in my sisterhood? Sounds like a TLC show... anyways... the point is, Emily... email me!
#2. The ladies from In Professional Fashion recently had a Wonder Woman Pose Conference (you know, a fashion bloggers 2nd favourite pose... after the pigeon toe stance with a side glance...). I looked through my Picasa for an unintentional WW pose... and I was surprised to find quite a few. But the picture I submitted is quite a doozy... you should check it out here. I wish I could pretend I was mid-pose or something but I actually think I was trying really hard to look ridiculously cool.
#3. I was pretty excited to see that Jessica from What I Wore featured me last week. It would be nerdy to admit that when I saw the feature, I got nervous about the exposure and I had random WIW dreams that night, right? So, I won't admit to it... instead we shall pretend that the poor sleep was the result of too much Diet Coke, ok?



And because a post isn't complete without a picture, I will overwhelm you with the cuteness of Matt and Kyle cuddling. Matt wanted me to mention that Kyle jumps up on him to cuddle... And I want you to know that even after three years this sight still makes me jealous.

*I drink Diet Coke in addition to a balanced diet. This isn't a cigarettes and Diet Coke kind of stress...