I've always admitted that there is a divide between my real life and my blog life. It's not that I am not honest on my blog. I am prone to an occasional rant against constant baby talk or people who don't spay or neuter their pets, but for the most part I keep my blog life neatly controlled under vintage dresses and sarcasm. Sarcasm covers a plethora of personal struggles.
And then today, in a moment of panic, my personal life and online life met in violent crash.
My Mom called me at lunch to say that my Dad was missing. My Dad has suffered from a slow form of Alzheimer's for many years and those are words you never want to hear. I know it has happened before; people with dementia wandering off, and yet, that knowledge is no comfort as you play the 'what if' game in your head. I was at work and immediately set off with my co-worker and dear friend, Dorothy, to drive through the neighbourhoods around my parents' house. My Dad always goes for little walks and I assumed that we would find him shortly. I was worried but the police were canvassing the area and by this time some of my bosses and community members were also out in full force... looking for the guy in the turquoise shirt. And then 2 hours turned into 3 hours and the sense of urgency got higher. My Dad would probably just keep walking until he was found and because he 'looks' normal, no one would think to approach him and so he would just walk on, without water or food. Then when 3 hours turned into 4 hours, we turned to social media. I never thought I would say this but google groups, facebook and twitter are my new best friends. If you know my family in real life, you will know that we are a private family. I admit I can over share under the power of a glass of wine but we bear our struggles and deal with our family issues in amongst ourselves, so for us to post big 'Where's my Papa?' messages on Facebook was a huge deal. Soon we had church members, bus drivers, former co-workers and current co-workers all keeping their eyes open for my Dad. If my Dad wasn't found soon, it was going to hit the local media and we were going to start working on an organized search. But when 4 hours turned to 5 hours, someone received a text message from their wife (who had seen something online) to be on the look out and he happened to see my Dad... a long way from home.
And so my Dad is safely home, exhausted after almost 5 hours of walking, presumably with no food or drink. I too am exhausted, thrilled to have my Dad back home safe (apparently he was walking to our house? Which cements my status as favourite and only daughter) but aware of the changes that will affect our lives as a result. It's easier to live in a little bubble. My Dad and I have a great relationship, I often take him out thrifting, for a walk or for a fancy lunch (anything is fancy to Dutch immigrants...) but I like to pretend it is never going to get worse and my Dad will be the one guy who gets cured. Everyone tells me their stories of their grandmother or great grandfather who has Alzheimer's and how they would do cute things like leave the tea towels in the bathroom and I bitterly (and selfishly) think 'This is my Dad! He's not old like your grandmother...'.
But this is our reality. I can't make him better. I can thank God for his safe return. I can spend time with my family. I can open myself up to help from the community. I can keep Twittering...ok, I hope I never have to post an urgent message again...
But for the outpouring from the community I am extremely thankful. This is the part of my life hidden under thrifted sequins.
116 comments :
Yen, I'm so glad someone was able to spot your dad!!!! and that it was only five hours and not a day or more... You know we are here for you even if some of us are in the U.S. and far from Hamilton or in Europe or in Asia.
Wow. What a story! And a great reminder that all this virtual interaction can be more than vanity, narcissism, laziness, etc.
xoxo,
~Olivia
That is definitley something scary and surreal. I'm so glad your dad was found safe. Its amazing what a difference social internets make in finding people.
OMG thank god you found him...I could not rip my eyes from the screen until I read that he was found, so I can only imagine how panicked you and your family must have been.
I am so glad your father is safe. I know all too well what you are going through and I too, wished for a cure. Keep hoping, believing, and loving with all your heart.
So glad your dad is home safe. Continued prayers to you and your family as you deal with changes and moments of uncertainty. And as much as I come here for tales of thrifted sequins, nothing is better than genuine sincerity and authenticity. Lots of long distance hugs to you and your family.
YEN! what an awful, awful scare!!! im SO happy he's home safe finally.
i definitely understand the need for a huge barrier between "real" life an online life - its necessary to have boundaries (there are plenty of oversharers out there, ha). so happy you guys were able to employ the internet for help! its amazing how just a few years ago, we didnt have cell phones, much less social media. its a smaller world because of it - not always a bad thing!
also, as an only child who is extremely close to her dad...reading this got me all teary! spend as much time and enjoy all the good days you can with him!!!! xoxo
I'm so glad to hear your dad is okay. Thanks for sharing this, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff. Nice to know our social media powers can be used for good
XO
Lenore
Awww, I am glad he is ok!!!! That is so scary.
Oh my goodness, I barely breathed though this entire post. I am SO glad your Dad is okay & safely back home. xoxo.
Oh my goodness. I absolutely cannot imagine the turmoil and fear you and your family must have felt. I am so glad that this crisis has passed for you all and am so sorry that there is no way to fix the problems that caused it. My heart goes out to you.
Jentine, this post brought tears to my eyes. I'm sooo glad your dad is home safe. That must've been so scary.
Alzheimer's runs in my husband's family, so I see it being a real part of my future as well. I hope at that time, I have as great of a support group as you do. Take care, girly.
Oh hun, I can't even imagine what a horrible day you must have had. How worried you must have been. I'm so happy to hear that someone spotted your dad. I'm SOOO glad he is okay.
It's so wonderful that someone finally spotted him :) I hope you all have a less eventful night :)
XOXO
I'm so happy to hear they found your Dad, I can't even imagine what you went through. Very brave of you to share, thank you.
it almost makes me angry that we have to see our parents suffer like this. angry because in my humanness i want them to always be like they were when i was young and never grow old or get sick. but i know this is life. we are fallen and we are transient. and i know HE has so much more for us. but i am so thankful someone found your dad. i can only imagine how you must have felt. i prayed for you :)
You're not alone. I care for my grandmother, who suffers from dementia and alzhiemers. Very rarely does that get a mention on the blog. In fact, um, never. I think we all have difficult stuff hiding under our thrifted sequins...but then, it says something about our individual resilience that we don't let those things define who we are, at least in the little bubble of the blogosphere! And it speaks to the power of new media for fostering community that your outreach yielded such a wonderful result. I'm glad your dad is home safe. And I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.
So happy for your dad's safe return! It's about time social media was really good for something ;-)
I am thankful for your Dad's safe return. There are real people behind these blogs. Keep your head up. You are beautiful.
Oh my god, how terrifying! So glad someone spotted him and he is back safe and sound.
What a terrifying experience! I'm so glad you were able to spread the word and find him. ((hugs))
What a frightening and beautiful story- I'm glad your extended community could help find your dad! Alzheimer's is such a scary illness, from benign to tragic...
So glad that your dad is home and safe.
Thank you so much for sharing. It is quite painful to watch your parents suffer. I am thinking about you and your family, and am so glad that he is back safe and sound.
I was so panicky when I read the message on Facebook...so I can't imagine what you were going through. So glad he was found and that he's home safely!!!
What a truly terrifying experience. I am so glad he was found at last. You poor thing. Hope he is feeling well fed and rested too after his big ordeal!
x
www.lostinthehaze.com
My heart goes out to you. My grandfather had alzhiemer's and the constant worry about him wandering off was one of the hardest things about it. You can talk to your family and maybe even a geriatric specialist about a plan to keep him safe and decide what to do in case he wanders. You can't prevent everything but having a plan is a comfort when you have a parent with dementia.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Thanks for sharing. Nobody should have to go through this alone.
Your story brought me to tears, I am thrilled your father is okay and I hope it remains that way. Glad that he is home and okay.
I know I said it on Twitter, but I'm glad your dad is safe. I know how you feel, as one of my uncles and my grandmother were ill. My uncle would wander off, and he was usually found unharmed. However, one time we were not so lucky. Sadly, he was found dead; he had been murdered. My grandmother passed away from age/complications of senile dementia.
I wish I could've helped more, but I'm really glad your dad was found safe. As someone who has been there, I feel your pain. Definitely was sending positive thoughts your way.
I'm so glad that your dad was found. At my job I've had to call several families to tell them we found their loved one with dementia/alzheimers (always OK) and the relief in their voices is palpable. It's so tough for the person suffering and the people that love them.
You and your family are in my thoughts - Jenn
So glad your Dad is safely home. I have a grandmother with Alzheimer's, so I know a bit about how difficult it can be.
It's definitely not something I talk about on my blog, but I think leaving things out is just natural. Plenty of people don't want to document their provate lives in a public forum, and that's okay. I don't expect most bloggers to talk about their marriages, illnesses, or other issues. That said, it was very good idea to use social media to find your dad. Glad to see Facebook and Twitter being put to good use. :D
I'm so sorry to hear about your real life stress, but I'm so thankful to hear about your fathers safe return. Social media is a fantastic thing. We all have real lives outside of our blogs, and this post was a nice reminder of just that. I hope your Dad continues to stay close to home!
Thank you to those people who reached out and helped you during a scary ordeal! I'm very glad that your dad was found safe and sound. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I understand how you feel. Life is more delicate. My thoughts are with you and your family.
So glad to read that the outcome of your day was a good one. As much as social networking/media can seem intrusive in our lives, you have demonstrated what good it can be too.
Sending some Oms your way for you and your dad :)
Oh my goodness, thank God you found your dad. My dad doesn't have alzheimers but he is certainly getting older and with each day it becomes more work. But no matter what, he is my dad and I love him to death. I can't imagine my life without him so I can certainly understand how grateful you are to have found him. I'm glad this crazy blogging/social media/tweeting world could in some way help.
Lissy
i am so so glad that your dad is ok and my heart goes out to you and your family. we all have our personal and family struggles and i admire you for putting it out there! again, so happy that all is well with your family.
xx
I am so glad to hear that your dad is back home safe......Thank God
huuuuuuuuuuuuuge hug
"I bitterly (and selfishly) think 'This is my Dad! He's not old like your grandmother...'." - I don't think that's selfish at all! When my father died of terminal cancer at 50, all these coworkers and acquaintances claimed to "know how [I] feel" because their 90-year-old grandparents had died of natural causes. Honestly, it was somewhat insulting. Anyway, I'm glad to hear your dad is okay and hope that this is an isolated incident.
Yen, I am so so happy to hear that your dad made it home safe and sound. I can't imagine what you went through today. This is all so heavy and so hard to deal with, I'm here if you ever need to talk "off the record".
Love you friend!
xoxo,
Morgan
My heart was stopping reading your post.
I am so happy to hear your Dad is home safe.
Thanks for opening your heart up to the blogging community. I admire your courage and strength!
Wow. Such a powerful, amazing, and scary story. Prayers for you and your dad.
Its so good that you found your dad. I work at an adult daycare and it's hard to watch the patients with alzheimer's struggle to remember things. But with almost all of them, they remember their close family and always talk about how much they love them. I hope things aren't too hard for your family.
I can't imagine what that would have been like. So, so glad you found him safe + sound.
So glad you found him. It's so hard feeling like you're "losing" a loved one in slow bits and pieces, and even harder when an emergency makes you share it with everyone all at once. Thank goodness this one was only a scare, hope he's doing alright!
joceline
I can't even imagine how terrifying that would be. I recently lost my grandfather, and my grandmother has advanced Parkinson's, and it often makes me dread having those experiences with my own parents. Best wishes for you and your family as you move forward!
so glad things turned out for the better.
it's a scary thing; hang in there
I'm so happy that you have that community to pour out to and that you thought to post that message online. Thank goodness your dad is home safe.
Yen, I told myself I wouldnt post here... ya know, being your neighbourhood stalker :) But reading your post tonight brought me to tears. If you should ever doubt the love people have for you.. Scroll up :)
Praise the Lord that he was found today. And I will especially pray for you and Matt and your mom tonight.
-HUGE Hugs-
omgosh! I am so glad everything turned out ok in the end. I can only imagine what those few hours felt like. Answered prayers for sure.
Sending only positive waves to my north.
glad you found him. I am so sorry you had to be worried like this. and thanks for sharing yourself with us like this.. makes you even more real!! xoxoj
So glad your dad's back home! I can only imagine what you must have gone through. *Hugs*
Imagining the stress and worry you must have gone through almost made ME cry, so I can't imagine what it felt like for YOU!
I'm sorry you had such a scary experience, but I'm glad to hear that everything turned out for the best.
so glad you found him. The more I learn about your personal life, the more I admire you - you are such an amazing, strong woman, from an amazing family. Thanks for sharing your life with us, its a privilege to be able to virtually stalk you :)
I'm so glad your dad is safe and sound. Thank you for sharing. This is a really inspiring post. Keep your chin up and value the great relationship you have with your dad. I wish you the best.
You poor thing! I bet you were having a heart attack for five hours straight!
I'm happy to hear your community surrounded you with support and helped you find your dad. I'm so glad he's at home and safe, and I'm just very glad this happened now and not in the winter.
Sounds really silly and Southern of me to offer, but if you need anything, let me know!
I'm glad he's back. It's good to remember that we are all real people with real stuff going on (and that no one is invincible).
May you and your family sleep well tonight.
oh wow, thank goodness you're dad is back home safe. i can't even imagine how scary that must of been. my thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.
Watching my grandmother (who was more than a granny and truly a mother to us) slip away from Alzheimer's was the hardest thing I have ever witnessed.
I cannot even fathom what it must be like to have it be your parent.
I could say something trite and optimistic but I instead I will shake my fist at the sky for both of us and ask why must things like this even happen.
As time goes by, you will find magic in small lucid moments...be on the lookout for them...they will end up being some of the best memories ever....
I'm glad your father is safe at home.
Very thankful that your father is home safely; however so sorry you and your family had to go through that kind of worry. I think we all slap on our game face when we go out in the world.....in person or via internet. It seems that sometimes, we need help from people we may never see AND hopefully even more often; we can BE a help to many people we'll never meet in person. Cyber hug to you.....~Serene
I understand what you mean about privacy.
But I thought this was a beautiful story. I'm glad everything turned out well.
-Patricia
Very thankful that your dad was found safe. What a scary ordeal, both for your family and for your dad.
What a beautiful post — you moved me. I'm so glad you found your father, and that he's again safe at home.
I'm glad to hear that everything worked out. That was a very well written and heartfelt post.
I teared up reading this. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, as I know what it's like to deal with a loved one with Alzheimers. You never know what the next day holds for them and maintaining a constant state of perspective + reality is hard, especially when you put a portion of your life online each day.
I wish I could say it will get easier - all I can say is cherish the moments you have with him and realize that this community you have will be there for you during times of need or just times of sequins + bows!
I'm really truly unsarcastically glad things are alright. I can't imagine how scary that must've been, but I'm glad this crazy internet world was able to help. We all have things we hide from blogland (my deformed cyclops face comes to mind - k the sarcasm is back, sometimes I can't control it) but I'm so encouraged to see that your opening up led to a really great thing. Welcome back, Dad.
Hi Jentine
I read your blog all the time but I never post comments. I couldn't help myself today, this post made me cry. I can feel the love you have for your dad and I can't even imagine what you are going through having a father with Alzheimers. I lost my dad five years ago to cancer, he was only 46, so needless to say I have a soft spot for dad stories. Just cherish every moment you have with him, though it sounds like you already do. I wish you and your entire family luck and God willing, maybe there will be a cure someday.
Wow, that is quite the scare. I am so glad to hear that he was found safely! I am also loving the dutch immigrant comment. All of my grandparents are dutch immigrants and I know exactly what you mean! lol. Hope you and your family are doing well.
xo L.
Oh, I can only imagine how awful those hours were and that sinking feeling. So glad your Dad was found!!
Wow, what you went through is pretty heavy duty. It just goes to show you that everyone is battling something. I'm glad that your dad is home safe and sound. He is lucky to have such a great family. All the best,
Lisa
Glad your dad made it back home safely! That had too have been so scary. :(
So glad it all worked out ok for you and your family! I wish for you many more years of happy memories with your Dad.
PS - I just LOVED the last line of your post. Beautiful.
Aaaaand, I'm crying at work. Thanks for that. No, but really, it was really brave to post this and such a hard and cruel thing to face. I hope you keep your sense of humor and know everyone is here for you if you need help.
My heart went to my mouth when I read this. I'm so glad that he is safe and sound.
Thank you for sharing what was a personal and distressing event. Goes to show we should never take for granted any moment with a loved one.
X x
Wow so glad you found your dad that's the most important part. Funny how social networking, like everything in life, has it's good and bad things. In this case it was VERY good.
so glad he was found. yay to social media.
hope the rest of your week is lovely and quiet.
Amanda
Yesterday was my Dad's 76th birthday. He is healthy and well and I am thankful for him, but your post made me extra thankful for him.
I'm soo glad your father was found and is ok. I'm sorry for the horrible disease that he (and you) are suffering from.
He must be a special man, with everyone rallying around to look for him.
take care!
so glad your dad came home save! this must have been a crazy time for you and your family, i can only imagine how hard that step to social media must have been. Glad it worked out though! Enjoy every second with your family - things like that show how important is every day!
Wow, what a terrible 5 hours for you and your family. So happy for you all that your dad was found safe & unharmed! My grandfather had Alzheimer's and although I was really young at the time, it scares the bajeezus outta me that it could pass on to my parents, me, my children, etc...I'm sorry you had to share this way, but it definitely is a great reminder to enjoy every moment of life and if you come across someone with a bad attitude, remember that everyone has their own inner struggles & could be having an off "moment"...I wish you and your family many more GREAT days w/ your dad!
I'm so glad your dad was found and that is okay. He is lucky to have such a loving family. And in this case a daughter that blogs her love for cheap sequins.
lylas.
Oh my goodness, I am SO glad you found your Dad and that he is ok! What a scary experience.
oh my. this brought tears to my eyes. i am so glad that he is home safe.
I am so sorry about your dad's illness, but like you said, thank god people helped out and for how quick social media acted!! I always enjoy your blog! XOXO, www.NatalyasCloset.com
OMG. I would have freaked out too.
I'm so glad you all found him and got him home. The power of friends!!
Glad your dad is ok! I can't imagine how worried everyone felt. It's difficult to think of life changing, especially when you start to view your parents in a different light (a more human one!) or when your relationship shifts. Glad that you reached out and found not only your dad but your family and community standing there right beside you.
Thank you for sharing your story and so happy your dad is home safe.
I read frequently, but never comment. I just wanted to say that I'm so glad to hear your dad is okay
My best friend's mother is struggling with Alzheimer's as well, I grew up knowing this woman, and my friend and I are only in our late 20's. It's sad to hear because she was such a witty woman and now my friend tells me that she barely remembers who she is, her daughter, and she gets very confused and almost childlike at times. Recently I read an article in Time magazine and it said such little money is put into Alzheimer's research. People think it only affects the elderly. My friend's mother is only in her late 50's. Now I am going to donate to the funding for Alzheimer's. I'm so glad your father made it home safely.
This brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so happy for you and your family that your dad is safe.
Ps: we all have parts of our lives hidden under thrifted sequins, I think. Thank you for sharing yours and I hope all is well from now on :)
I'm really happy your dad made it home safely. I hope he has more than a few good years left in him. Stay strong.
Oh, hon, your poor family, your poor Dad. :( My father-in-law has dementia, and it's horrible to watch.
My heart goes out to you.
Wow, what a thing to go through! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing such a tough issue.
I'm so glad your Dad was found! This is just another instance that shows how we can use social media and new technologies for the urgent necessities; like finding a missing person. This also shows that you are brave, Jentine, posting this and opening up to your readers in a way you haven't done before. Just so you know, you have a whole community of people here who read your blog and can support you through the difficult turns life sometimes makes. Wishing you all the best. -Catherine
That was a very well written post, I wish you and your family the best.
Very brave of you to share this, and I'm so glad your dad was found safely.
BiG hUgS to Ya'll ;-<3
My mum (58) has dementia and is in a nursing home so I can relate to the old people comment! I think it's great that you utilised social media to find him.
All the way from Oz,
I cried reading this. My Nan loved going for walks in the forest by her house in the UK (we were in the USA at the time and now in Australia). One day she said "it was the weirdest thing, I just couldn't remember how to get home". She walked for a long time until she found someone.
She now has dementia after 3 successive strokes that happened not long after.
This wasn't meant to make you feel (even more) sad about your Dad. I meant to say thank you for sharing this. So often we get caught up in the outfits and a clever turn of a phrase. And we don't think what our blogging friends are really like (or going through) underneath it all.
So thank you for sharing and I am so glad your Dad is home safe again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad! Glad to hear that he is back at home!
Oh, wow! I'm so happy he was found safe and sound. You're so brave to write about this. Both of my father's parents had Alzheimer's and I'm terrified that my dad will inherit it. Every time he struggles to find the words or misplaces something, a sudden pang of "oh no, it's starting" flashes through me. My heart goes out to you and your family. xo
I'm so glad to hear that your dad is ok. I can't even imagine how scary and difficult those 5 hours must have been. It's amazing that social media can help out in "real life" - you and your family may not always feel comfortable putting yourselves out there like that - but it's great that it helped out in the end!
- Meredith
I'm so glad to hear that your dad is ok. I can't even imagine how scary and difficult those 5 hours must have been. It's amazing that social media can help out in "real life" - you and your family may not always feel comfortable putting yourselves out there like that - but it's great that it helped out in the end!
- Meredith
So glad your Dad is home and safe. Even though it is sometimes hard for us to ask for help; most people are happy to do so. Thank you for reminding us of this! Eileen
Thank you for being open and honest with your readers. I'm extremely glad that your father was found safely.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, it hurt to read that :( My Dad passed away last year from cancer, so anything Dad related gets me emotional. I'm so glad that he was found, and thank you for sharing - we are all here for ya!
Hi honey! I'm so glad you found your dad! I too believe in the power of social media.
Doesn't it suck when we realize that our parents aren't Superman and Lois Lane! I still have a hard time with that concept myself! God bless you:)
I'm happy your dad was found and okay! I wish you the best and bless you.
I have to say thank you for this post. We do tend to keep things lighter here in the blogosphere, but I always appreciate a touch of reality and sensitivity like this. I am so happy that your father was found safely and (relatively, although I know that minutes feel like hours in those moments) quickly. My boyfriend's grandmother is suffering from early signs of Alzheimer's and we've experienced this painful worry (she has even left the house in the middle of the night before). I really hope that medicine and research progresses soon so that we can have a better understanding of Alzheimer's and even a cure. Much love to your and your family.
although i love funny stories and outfits posts very much, i always find it refreshing to read about the real lives of the people behind the blogs. i am so glad your dad was found safe. and thats so awesome that you have such a great and caring community. thanks for sharing this story :)
Hi your site is very informative and knowledgeable I like your all posts its very attractive sites nice keep it up.
I'm so glad you found him. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart is with you and your family; your community may be local but it's also all of us out here who share your daily blog/life. Many hugs to you all.
I'm relieved to find out you found your dad. Even in this world there is somebody willing to help. Let's not lose faith. As somebody who knows what this disease can do to their loved ones, my heart goes out to you. I wish you and your father the best.
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