Chapter Three.

Dress? 1980's does 1930's, thrifted Shoes? Vince Camuto 1960's floral corsage? Vintage

I'm not back.
It's just that the other day my ankles were shaved, the sun was shining and I felt like my outfit was on point, so I suggested to Matt that maybe, for old times sake, we find a wall and take some outfit pictures.
He clapped his hands with glee because lately what he has been missing most in life is taking outfit pictures for me.
Or... in his typical laid-back way, he agreed, snapped my pictures in 3 minutes and we continued on our way. I cannot believe I used to post about 2-3 times a week and that Matt was such a good sport for yearssss about taking my pictures...

In my last post on the blog I wrote about shutting down the shop on Ottawa St... The month following that, I liquidated as much as I could (the shop was busy from the day the closure was announced until I shut the doors; there is irony there... turns out the key to success is failure), packed up the shop and said good bye. We went away down South with friends where we got a tan, burned our lungs at a foam party and survived getting stuck on a reef... The reef incident is a long story that will certainly get exaggerated every time we tell it, so in a decade this will be the tale of how we survived a week at sea with only rum to sustain us. When we got back from vacation the only thing we had left to do before we handed back the keys to the old store was to take down the sign on the front of the building. That night, as Matt passed the sign down to me off the ladder, I thought to myself that it felt like this should be 'a moment'... but it wasn't. It was just what needed to be done. I wasn't sad or bitter, I was just fine.

And here we are early April... Can I just say that it feels good to feel good? Moving primarily in an online direction (Etsy link here... shameless but necessary promotion) was 100% the right move for me. I love my new work space at the studio. It's so pretty that I kinda pinch myself that I get to work there... Once I get a new window for the space (this week! finally...) I will have natural light and I can work so much more efficiently at listing fabulous vintage. I'll also throw a party once that window gets here. Since I opened three locations in 2.5 years, I feel like I cannot throw another opening party, so we'll call it a window party; we'll hang up lights everywhere and pop that champagne. I'm open to the public on Tuesdays and by appointment and online 24/7 thanks to the wonders of the world wide web. Retail is never going to be easy, that is a lesson I have learned over the years over and over again. And there are always bins of vintage that need to be cleaned, bins of vintage that need to be mended and bins on bins on bins of vintage that need to be photographed but I feel like The Edit has a stronger and more united aesthetic now. I love helping old pieces find new potential and making vintage something that is about quality and fabulousness, it does not have to be something intimidating.

You know how a few years ago it was a thing in the blog world to write a letter of advice to your 17 year old self? There's not much I would tell younger Yen to change because it's all part of the journey I guess. I would tell myself that my hair and make up skills get better but that's just as future encouragement. I should maybe also tell myself to curb my sharp tongue a little because sometimes jokes cut a little deeper than they need to when sarcasm is your first language. I would remind myself to trust in God's plan a little more. That things don't always work out exactly as you thought and things get hard but there is beauty in lessons learned and new paths.
And that guy you start dating when you are 17 (eek! so young!), who you thought was maybe a bad boy, making baller status $14/hour and driving that amazing Tercel? He's not even close to a bad boy. He's totally low-key and solid and funny and will take outfit pictures for you for years and help you set up three shops and encourage you every day... He was a good decision.

I would also let myself know about chin hairs and how I have to pluck them every morning these days. Not that there is much 17 year old Yen could have done about that in advance, I just would have appreciated a heads up on that aspect of aging... Youthful, starry-eyed 20 year olds, consider yourself warned;)


Moving Over, Moving Up and Moving On?


And there it is...
I'm closing the shop on Ottawa Street and moving to a studio space to focus my vintage business in a more online direction.
Matt, the perpeptually positive, says that I am just redirecting my business to follow consumer demand and lowering my overhead. He is not wrong, for a while now I have noticed that a high percentage of my sales are either online or are directly originated from online; where people come into the shop not to browse but to purchase 'that thing' they saw on the shop's Etsy or Instagram.
And I'm half business savvy enough to know that this is 100% the way I am supposed to spin it. I just need to say that The Edit is just taking the next step in being able to efficiently provide quality vintage to its loyal clientele by opening a studio space. And that is the truth and I am super excited about how cool my studio space is but it does kinda feel like I am leaving out part of the story...
I didn't excitedly sign a new lease on a bigger space last January and rope my friends into painting every single fixture in the shop with layers and layers of primer and white paint in order for me to leave it all behind one short year later. And as much as I know, for my sanity and for the bottom line, that moving into a studio is the right choice for me, closing down the shop is still something that makes me really sad.
Some might even say that having a bricks and mortar shop turned out to be a failure. 
I said it. The 'f' word. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to say that word and I'm going to get lots of texts from my friends (and my mom,thanks boo) telling me I am not a failure. And it's not totally a failure per se, I think The Edit vintage has a bright future but the street front location part of the equation did not really work out quite as planned...

So what happened?
I'm sure I don't need to write a post breaking it all down but I honestly think these are things in small business that we don't talk about. Small business owners start with a dream and stars in their eyes and probably a couple Pinterest quotes about how if you follow your passion, you will never work a day in your life. And there is nothing wrong with some stars and some Pinterest quotes but it's also nice when the grind happens to know you are not the only one feeling the pain or that sometimes all the passion and heart and good intention is not enough. We don't share enough about the journey (well, maybe that is because as a small business owner you maybe don't have the time or energy to share...) so when something happens, a small business just disappears and we all kinda draw our own educated or uneducated conclusions.

I think we can sum up exactly my experience with running a bricks and mortar by saying it is really hard...
Retail is hard. I've said it before and I will say it again. Retail is so hard. Despite that, having your own retail space is probably one of the top 'dreams' that people romanticize about. Setting up a shop and putting it all together is so so fun. And standing behind your counter for the first time and making a sale to a stranger who loves your stuff is this incredible high... But the day to day is tough. The needle that flicks from making a sale to not making the sale is set so delicately... A cold day, a hot day, a too nice day, a lazy day, a bloated day, a cranky infant day; there are so many factors involved in getting store traffic and making a sale. And retail is not just hard for me. It's a struggle for everyone. So if you have a favourite shop in the city that you have not been to in a while, go and visit and make a little purchase and give them a hug (if they are into it). I suspect it's been a generally tough year for retail across the board.
Shopping at small independent shops is not always the easiest. The hours are not like Walmart and it takes a little bit more effort but it is the small stores that give a city or community their shape. I know the city of Hamilton is on a bit of a high right now; after years of being 'the armpit of Ontario', we're apparently cool... And that's cool. But let's be real, it's still a struggle. If you love this city, don't just pay lip service to it. If you want your neighbourhood to be interesting and walkable and varied, remember the little and the medium guys. Your dollars have the power to shape your city.

Also, as it turns out, selling vintage is really hard. Besides the amount of work it takes to source abd clean it, it's also a lot of work to sell each individual piece. The best thing about vintage is that it is so unique but the worse thing is also that it is so unique. I know it sometimes looks like things sell out so quick at the shop because the shop generally gets a really good response on Instagram (and I am so grateful for that online support, thank you, thank you...) but the problem is that I can only sell one of each item. Even if 5 people are dying to own that one piece, I can only sell it once and then I have to get to work and hustle to sell my next item. Every single item in the store is unique and has to speak for itself in order to sell. So if I sell the three things I posted on Instagram that day, it's great, but they are still likely only a drop in the bucket of the amount of overhead it takes to run a bricks and mortar. 
I also think The Edit departs a little from what a traditional vintage shop is and that may have hurt me because I almost needed to explain the concept to the consumer... The way I see vintage is that it can be worn in a very modern way; mixed and matched with what you already have in your closet. To me vintage is just better quality and more unique than what you can get at the mall and I just love getting someone into their first vintage piece and opening their eyes to the fact that vintage does not have to be costumey or scary... It translates well online because that's how I have always dressed for the blog and because people can see the outfits put together. But people who don't follow me online and see a  vintage shop, they imagine it being more costumey. So no, I don't have a wacky 60's polyester suit for you to wear to Aunt Betty's costume birthday party but I do have a 60's blouse you could wear with jeans. If I could turn back time (sorry, if I get that song in your head now...), I would not go back and start by being more 'vintagey'; it's all part of the process and it's just a lesson I learned over the last two years...

Finally, having a store front on Ottawa street is really hard. And to be the honest, this is the one that really did me in and that frustrates me the most. I cannot continue to keep a clean, well-stocked, pretty physical store and then also keep a well-stocked and pretty online store simultaneously. I would bring in new stuff to the shop daily and list as much as I could online and I'm just tired. I can't just keep killing myself over both and with the in store traffic slowing and online picking up as long as I had the time to put effort into it, the decision had to be made.  
That's mystery of my life right now; what happened to the foot traffic on Ottawa St? I would never, ever have taken on a bigger shop and an overhead that was 2 and a half times the original overhead if I didn't have the numbers in the old shop to sustain the new shop. And then yes, hopefully having a bigger space would bring more revenue because I was able to offer a wider selection of merchandise. The spring was good and summer started fine and then the traffic just kinda died. I don't know what happened. And it is so frustrating because I love this scrappy street and to see it slide backwards in the time that I have been here breaks my heart. In the last month a few other businesses in the block have shut their doors or moved. I feel so sad for these sweet individuals who put it all on the line and are now packing up shops with lumps in their throats. 
I honestly do not know what happened on Ottawa Street to cause it to slow down so much. I mean, we've been the next 'up and coming' street for years now and I know growth is slow and there will growing pains but I did not expect this slump. And we do have our stars on the street that can pull enough traffic on their own but there are a lot of shops that have suffered a lot from this slow down. 
I'm leary to talk about this but most people know there was some drama with our business association this summer on Ottawa Street. I generally stayed out of it because I want to Switzerland it all the way and stay neutral but I will say this... When I started The Edit in November 2013, I felt like the paid staff at the business association really cared and did the best they could to help. The BIA has since had some changes in staffing and has not felt the same since. I am not saying it is the BIA's fault that the street is slow. However, I think the street (and the city, as I am assuming city tax money also pays into the salaries...) deserves a BIA that knows how to properly manage and work social media to the benefit of street, an updated website and someone on the BIA who actually walks the street and visits the businesses. I hate writing this last paragraph because the last thing this street needs is more negativity but I really hope this street gets more involvement out of the BIA. And out of us. I'm sad to be gone but you can bet I'll be back often, especially for Dora's spicy gumbo. You should go too;)

And so that's that.
This last month was not so fun. It's hard to sit in a shop and look around and think 'you are so cute, and I'm trying so hard but it's just not enough and I know what I have to do.' I took my time making the decision, then made up my mind, lost some sleep and definitely went through the emotions of sadness, anger, frustration and bitterness. Thankfully, those feelings do ease up (which is good because bitter Yen is not that awesome) and I know that this is the right decision. Signing a new lease on a cool space helped too because it gave me a real plan and direction.
I am definitely moving inventory to the new space but I do hope to liquidate quite a bit so I can start fairly fresh. Online everything is 30% off until the end of the year, at which point I will shutter the Etsy shop for 6 weeks and come roaring;) What I'll be selling when I re-open will be an even tighter edit of The Edit; clothes I love and housewares that'll impress your guests. The last day the shop on Ottawa will be open is Jan. 15th and I hope to be ready in the new space mid to end February... I'll give more details on Instagram of the new space when I can but it's an old factory in a pretty convenient location with brick walls, concrete floors, natural light and free parking ten steps from the front door;) So I'll be much more active on Etsy but I'll keep some kind of studio hours so all my favourite local people can pop in before or after work to pick up or try on 'that thing' they saw online.
And to all the people who have supported the shop these last two years, thank you. I hope you will follow me as I move and continue to let me be a part of your closet and home. Also a giant teary thanks to Matt, who always has my back and who has known that this was the right move for a while, but wisely let me come to the conclusion myself... 

This year has been a doozy. For reasons shared and unshared (sorry, everyone hates a vague blogger...) 2015 feels mostly like a hazy mess. However, it's a true blessing to say that even when so many things are upside down, the important things in my life are perfectly in place. 

*I miss writing! Not enough to get back to blogging yet but it's totally how I process things. Considering my last two posts have not been the most happy posts, I feel like I owe the blog at least another happy post;) I'll do that in the new year...;)


Summertime Sadness

This summer I got sad.
I've been sad before; unfortunately it is really just a part of life. I think especially as you get older, the awareness of all the things that are worth being sad over can weigh you down. Maybe you thought growing up just meant no set bed time and Passion Flakies for breakfast (and lunch! and dinner!) but sometimes a lot of being grown up is hurting for the world, friends and family and also sadly, being hurt by the world, family and friends. 
But this summer I was sad for no real reason. 
I'm feeling much better now but the best way I can describe it is that on ok days I could paste a smile on my face to cover the fact that I literally felt empty from top to bottom, and on bad days it felt like I was not worthy of this life or that there was nothing in life worthy of being lived for. I don't know what was worse...
I know that sounds dramatic and when I write those words I cringe a little... But I. Just. Felt. So. Awful.
I told Matt, a best friend and my mom and we went to the doctor and we changed some things in my life to get things back on track. At first it was a relief to go through a day without feeling the deep sadness and over time, two good days in a row was reason to be thankful. Last week for the first time in three months I felt like myself again. I had been getting better for a while before that but for the first time in a while I finally felt like Jentine. Something went wrong (because yes, in addition to feeling like crap, this summer has been... um, very trying?) and I actually felt like I could handle it instead of wanting to disappear. 
I'm pretty sure it all started by just being burnt out. It's like Biggie Smalls said 'mo' money, mo' problems' except with a bigger shop, it's less money and mo' problems... Having the bigger shop is great in many ways but it is a beast behind the scenes trying to keep it filled with clean, wearable, fresh vintage constantly. The bills are higher, the stress is higher and honestly, sometimes it's not fun. And even though I've been honest about the struggle from the beginning, it is exhausting that so many people think you are living the dream when really you are just tired and broke and pissed. 
But tired and pissed off are feelings every person and/or entrepreneur feels; it was the anxiety that just crushed me. Suddenly I could not handle anything. I would stay up all night kicking my feet over issues that were either non issues, small issues or not even issues that were applicable to my life. I just wanted to hide in a hole and be alone for a year. I think if Breakfast Television had asked me to be on their show to promote my shop, I would have declined because the thought of doing anything public made me feel sick...
This is the part of the post where I start to sound like your grandmother but I also think a huge issue for me was feeling over-exposed. I remember when I started blogging people would just leave comments on your post and that was how communication was done in the blog world. And then one day I became a big girl and added a blog email address and that felt like such a big deal. 5 years later we're pretty much exposing every part of our lives and people are making good money off it so the temptation to share, share, share just becomes bigger and bigger. I counted the ways to get a hold of me this summer and it's a shocking thing to see it listed out in front of you. I have a personal email, a blog email, a shop email, a personal FB, a blog FB page, a shop FB page, a blog twitter, a shop twitter, a blog/personal Instagram, a shop Instagram, a shop flash sale Instagram, an etsy account where you can message me, my blog comment section and of course, I'm in the shop. And this is without adding those new fangled things like Periscope and Snapchat... I'm not super active on all those accounts but what I am active on, I give them my heart. I mean, even my stupid Etsy descriptions, if you are bored and need reading material, they are so Yen. So by the time I've updated my blog, posted on my Instagrams, written something stupid on Twitter, added a few things to Etsy and made conversation in the shop, I am just tired and done with sharing. I think social media has also given us a chance to get a glimpse into everyone else's life, which is a wonderful thing in many ways but this summer I just felt dizzy over all the voices and opinions that were clogging up my social media. And I want to be careful when I talk about this because if it had not been for my blog and for my social media I would never had had the chance to open a shop and I am the only one who controls the content I put out, but at one point I just felt so exhausted by it all. The old adage 'it's not you, it's me' rings true. It was all just too much and in my burn out, I just could not handle it at all. Currently all my Facebook and Twitter accounts sit inactive and ignored (well, I kept the Facebook messenger app for you alone Maria). It feels pretty good to be out of the loop;) I stalled on personal Insta all summer too because I just wanted to feel better without putting up some internet front and honestly, that felt good too. I'm still solidly superficial so I still want to share some outfits on Instagram but it's a good feeling to know I'm ok not sharing.
And so here we are. It's still a hard year and time in our lives in many ways but thankfully feeling much, much better. Drinking less caffeine. Going to bed on time. Having a much more strict weekly schedule. Saying 'no' a lot. Thanking God for His presence in my life. Grateful to Matt who was a superstar when I felt awful because it has not been an easy summer when your wife just wants to cry and do nothing every day. And yes, lastly, blogging a lot less.
The irony of course is me saying that I want to draw back from sharing my life so much and then I go and write one of my most personal posts yet. I mostly just want to say thank you. For reading all those years, for caring, for encouraging... I'm not saying I'm done blogging because I still feel like there are some serious posts in my heart and if I feel like I want to share them, it is nice to have a space but I do think my days as an outfit blogger are done. I'll still be sharing some outfits and little life snippets on my Instagram but right now I just need to focus on my faith, family, friends and fashion business. I know for some people blogs have become hostile places or a chore but I have always felt safe in this space and I have always enjoyed writing and posing in fun/chic/ridiculous outfits with wistful side glances. So, thank you, really, for caring...
Lastly... It's super awkward to write about feeling awful. Even now as I write about it, it feels so distant, like I am writing about someone else who had a rough summer. And I would love to just get past it and move on. But I think it's important to share about this kind of stuff. I never, ever thought I would ever, ever feel so low; especially for no 'real' reason. Sure, I have a small business that can sometimes be a thorn in my side but even Jay Z has 99 problems and I probably only have 67 and honestly, I have a very good life. In many ways I would even say that I 'have it all'. And yet, this summer, I felt like having it all was not enough of a reason to exist. And it took a while to get my feet back under me, but that very first tiny step to getting my life back was talking to Matt about how I felt...

If you ever feel like you lost yourself or can't find the joy anymore, please, talk to someone. People are listening...



Dress? Vintage (from my own shop, oops) Shoes? Aldo (old) Clutch? Vintage Pics? ADarlingandADear

I think not posting in three weeks is called Slacker Blogging. I prefer to call it Blogging When You Feel Like It because after you've been blogging for many years the idea that you can just blog when you want to is quite novel and freeing.
To be honest, I've had some busy and stressful weeks and my writing really suffers when I'm stressed. Not like I'm writing high brow literature here but I like to write something a little more compelling than 'this is my new dress'.

Anyways, this is my new dress.

Yeah, I went there...

I stole the dress from the shop for a wedding we had a few weekends ago. I'm surprised it even made it into the shop; sequins, long sleeves... it's kinda my thing. No one bought it in two months it was hanging up and so, predictably, I just took it home with me where it belonged all along.
This 70's dress was originally a maxi dress but I thought hemming it to just below the knee would add some elegance. Because sometimes I need that little bit of elegance to hide the hot mess I am (I feel like I am?) inside...