Everyone who has seen some sneak peeks of these photos done by Claire, has commented that I look so happy. Part of it is that Claire and I are thick as thieves and she has a really natural way of capturing the moment (also, if you told me two years ago Claire would be taking pics in my studio (click to see more pics!), I would have said she is too cool for me... but here we are making margarita dates) and the other part is that I am, indeed, happy.
And that sounds wonderful but, it's not. It turns out I am an obnoxious happy blogger.
You see, for years now, I deal with anything in my life by writing about it. It does not even usually make it to the page and only about 4% really gets published on the blog or goes into an overly wordy Instagram caption but I have always handled things by 'writing' about the episode in my head. It gives me a chance to step outside of the situation, think over what happened slowly and helps me deal in a rational way. I suppose it is like therapy in a way. But cheaper, so I can use the money for more boxwoods for my garden.
But lately every time I start to 'write', it turns into some sappy Eat Pray Love blog post and future Yen is already rolling her eyes at past Yen. When I am happy, does my sarcasm leave the room?
And maybe happy is the wrong word. My happiness is not an everyday high, I still have to pay my taxes (never mind paying them, it's doing them that is currently killing me), I still have to hustle my butt off to be even slightly competitive in the vintage market and obviously, I can't just make everything with my dad ok but I have a general spirit of contentment. It might be from getting older, because in addition to those chin hairs, getting older has just brought some more quiet in my soul. I'm not so combative and argumentative. Maybe because arguing is great but just walking the walk is better. Be the change, you know?
See? This is dumb. In one blog post I wrote about 'a quiet in my soul' and about being the change. At this rate, I might as well quit selling very beautiful and interesting and wearable and unique vintage online and start on my self help book.
But really, it feels good to be settled and content. It won't always be like this, life is full of ups and downs (what an insightful sentence, eh...?) but I just want to enjoy what I have right now. And included in what I have right now is my sweet happy little studio and this rhinestone blazer that I thrifted for way too much money but it was for charity and it has the nicest drape, so it was worth it...