Done and Done
If I were to write a letter to my future self (which I am pretty much doing right now, I guess), I would tell myself to never, EVER again spend the summer buying and selling a house (twice because the first time it all fell through, though the effort was there), making 2 wedding dresses and 6 bridesmaids dresses, taking night courses, trying to maintain a decent blog, landscaping full time, keeping up social appearances and failing at being a decent wife, daughter and friend.
I try to keep a chipper attitude on this blog but there have been times this summer where I have felt like I was one broken needle away from a major breakdown. And so, two weekends ago, when I finished my final wedding dress I wanted to run out and kiss the first person I saw. As long as that person was Matt, my Mom, my Dad or the mailman... It's still busy around here, we are moving in a few weeks and I have approximately a whole lot of nothing packed, but it feels so good to be done with dresses for a while. It's my fault for taking on the work, it always seems manageable until life snowballs and I'm working, sewing, blogging and ignoring Matt on a daily basis. It's hard to work outside physically all day and then get yourself in the mind frame to sew an invisible zipper in. And often I wouldn't sew because I was tired and I had 56 things to do... and then the guilt would set it. Every night this summer I was either busy sewing or feeling guilty about not sewing... and then feeling even guiltier because Matt would pick up my household slack without a complaint while I stressed out like a frantic bitch. I hate to use the word bitch (ok, it sometimes slips in) but I can't lie... I'm like a polititian really... Honestly, my customers are usually really sweet but all this dressmaking hasn't made me any happier, richer or anywhere closer to figuring out what I'm doing with my life.
Last week, a few days after the dress was delivered, I went out at night to see a movie and then caught up on blogs for about 3 hours and I didn't feel guilty at all. I did feel stupid when I could hardly keep my eyes open at work the next day but guilty? No.
While I really love this last dress (short, bow and bubble hem? eee! And to top it off a beautiful bride and blue pumps... can't wait for professional pictures!) and I think it's so cute that I want to reach out and pinch its cheeks, I think this will be my last custom dress for a year. Never say never because my Grade five punk ass said I would never wear bell bottoms and look where that got me... but I am saying, on the record, that dressmaking and I are on an official break. Please respect our privacy as we go through this difficult time (if you see tabloid photos of my sewing mahine and I, it's because I'm working on my mending pile) ... I know I don't want to sew for a living and somehow I need to make thrifting, blogging, dressing and landscaping fit together like a good pattern mix.